Tag Archives: instructions

HOW TO: take a bath

Baths are the best. They are relaxing and can help relieve you of the day’s stresses, even just for a little while. But only if you do it right! Luckily, I am here to prep you on the correct way to have a bath, so listen up.

What you will need:

  • bubble bath AND/OR bath bomb AND/OR bath salts
  • a book AND/OR laptop
  • a fluffy towel
  • a bathtub

Optional:

  • a face mask AND/OR hair mask
  • a bottle of wine

bath tools! Continue reading

How To: Rainy Day Brunch

This is a thing I did today because I woke up feeling bad and hungry and it was also raining. Doing this made me feel better, and I hope that if you do it, it will make you feel better too.

How To: Rainy Day Brunch

1. Wake up feeling terrible. Turn off your alarm and look at the clock. Look outside and notice it is raining. Text your friend a thousand sorries that you won’t be able to meet up today after all. Go back to sleep.

2. Wake up feeling bad. Look outside and notice it is still raining. Look at the clock. Notice it is late. Haul yourself out of bed. It may be an effort, but I promise you, it is worth it.

3. Get to the kitchen. Look for ingredients. Cobble together this recipe. It is savoury French toast with avocado.

french toast and avocado

Ingredients:

  • 2 eggs
  • 3 slices of bread
  • 1 avocado
  • milk
  • salt
  • pepper
  • olive oil/butter

Method:

1. break eggs into a bowl. add milk (I never measure how much, but use your judgement). add salt and pepper.

2. take the slices of bread and coat them in the eggy mixture. try and get an even amount of egg on each slice of bread, and make sure they don’t get too soggy and break apart.

3. put some oil/butter in a frying pan and let it heat up. then, put the eggy bread into the pan. my frying pan is only big enough for two slices, and yours probably is too. sensible people would cook the bread in two batches, rather than attempting to cram all three slices in at once. even more sensible people would only eat two slices of bread. but you’re not sensible, you’re sad! it’s raining! do whatever the hell you want.

4. while you’re waiting for your french toast to cook, cut open the avocado lengthwise. remove the seed and then slice the avocado into cubes inside the skin. put the avocado aside. if that was confusing, I recommend you watch this video.

5. is your french toast cooked yet? that depends on how fast you cut the avocado. if you cut it slowly, or had to watch the video, you should have been keeping an eye on the stove. if you cut avocado quickly, your toast is probably not done yet. turn the bread as necessary.

6. plate up! put your (presumably cooked) French toast on a plate. get the avocado and spoon the little cubes onto your toast. mash it on there if you want. season with salt and pepper.

7. and then eat it! enjoy! hooray, you’re done!

optional: consume it with tea while watching an episode of Community or 30 Rock. Or read a book.

By the time you have finished, maybe the rain has stopped. Maybe it has not. Maybe you have cheered yourself up so much that you do not even care anymore.

Life after graduation: filling the void.

I don’t consider myself an expert on much, but I am fairly well-versed on the ins-and-outs of being a recent graduate; I’m at the point where I can still say “I graduated recently…” without it being a total lie, which is certainly more impressive than “I’m in between jobs at the moment”, which is really just a roundabout way of admitting unemployment.

Andsobut you find that you yourself are a recent graduate, or are about to become one, and you’re still waiting to hear back from the graduate positions you’ve applied for and/or you’re nervous about the big wide world. Big chunks of time that you used to spend studying are now voids of anxiety. Fear not! There are a number of activities you could do to fill your time; some of them are even productive.

APPLY FOR JOBS

This is the most obvious; you’re done with the study, so it’s time to get to putting the skills you learned to work. The wise thing to do would be to apply for jobs before you graduate, so you can jump right into Being An Actual Adult, but I totally didn’t, so if you don’t, I can’t yell at you without being a hypocrite.

Even if you don’t want to immediately face full-time, 9-5 work, it’s probably good if you can generate some income at a part time job or something. Just sayin’.

DO SOME INTERNING

While you’re waiting to hear back from all those jobs you applied to, why not become an intern? Sure, interns get stuck with all the crappy jobs no one wants to do for little to no money, but you’ll be getting experience and a chance to perfect your skills in a professional work environment.

Plus, if you do a good enough job, they may actually pay you with real money! Wow! I found most of my internships through my university careers board and The Loop.

VOLUNTEER

Similar to interning, but without the vague promise of future paid employment. Not that it doesn’t have its perks; when I volunteered at the Manly Jazz Festival, I got to wander along Manly beach while listening to jazz music all day…and I got a free lunch! and a 2011 Manly Jazz Festival t-shirt! What a great day.

When I volunteered at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards I got to follow tween stars around all day and get slimed*! on top of the free lunch(es) and Nickelodeon Staff t-shirt. Seriously, I have amassed so many t-shirts from all the volunteer jobs I’ve done. If you want free shirts, all you have to do is volunteer for stuff.

GET ADDICTED TO A GAME ON YOUR PHONE

Preferably one of those “social games” that rely on you playing with one or more of your friends; Draw Something is fairly popular these days. This is how it will go down:

  1. Download Draw Something on your phone/tablet/whatever
  2. Badger all your friends to play it with you
  3. Start a few games with friends
  4. Everyone gets really competitive, and it’s fun
  5. Everyone gets really competitive, and feelings get hurt
  6. Friends realise how much time Draw Something has taken from them and abruptly stop playing — even though it’s their move — in favour of doing their job or studying
  7. You stare bitterly at all the unfinished games and try to fight feelings of abandonment

JOIN A GYM

Not exercising was acceptable back when you were a university student, and all your time was used to do assignments and attempt to maintain a social life, but now that those days are behind you, there’s nothing standing in the way of you and getting fit. Join a gym!

I personally enjoy using the treadmill, only because running outside makes me nervous and I get performance anxiety. I wish I were kidding. The elliptical machines are also pretty rad. If using gym equipment isn’t your thing, there are also classes. Take up kick-boxing, or judo, or yoga, or pilates, or yogalates; you get to meet new people with whom you can bond over bitching about how much of a hard-ass your kick-boxing instructor is.

START A BLOG

Then you can whine about being a graduate, and how getting a job in this economy is so hard and nobody understands me like you do, blog.

Or better yet, start a T*mblr. It’s amazing. It’s like crack. You will never leave your room again, your face pale with the glow of your monitor. So many pictures of kittens, so many memes, so many misattributed/paraphrased quotes…and they have this “endless scrolling” feature…

GET A SECOND DEGREE/A MASTERS/A PhD

When being a Real Person gets too hard, you can always get back to studying. Some benefits of higher tertiary education:

  1. You can list your occupation as “student” again
  2. Knowledge is power
  3. Put off paying your student loans by accumulating more student loans!
  4. If you get a PhD, people can call you “Doctor”
  5. Also if you get a PhD, you get to wear an awesome hat

(source)
imagine this badboy atop your head at graduation. you would be the coolest kid.

What I am saying is: enjoy student life while you still can! The “real world” is for suckers!

* getting slimed is only kind-of fun while the sliming is going on; “oh haha so much slime! I’m so gross, the floor’s so slippery! I’m…oh no I’m falling over! my butt! ouch.” but once the slime hoses turn off, all you can think about is how cold you are, and how you forgot to bring a change of clothes.